


Merry Fucking Christmas

by Malana



Category: Veep
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 16:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malana/pseuds/Malana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was, without a doubt, was going to be the worst Christmas of Amy's life.</p><p>Worse than the one when she was 6 and got a Teddy Ruxpin that gave her nightmares for a solid year. </p><p>Worse than the one when she was 8 and she'd gotten an art farm instead of the puppy she'd been asking for. </p><p>Worse than the one when she was 10 and her great aunt Ruth ran over the family cat her car (though, to be fair, Amy never had liked Snowball all that much)</p><p>No, being stuck with Dan Egan was going to be infinitely worse than any of that. </p><p>Wasn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merry Fucking Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Karmageddon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karmageddon/gifts).



It had started out smoothly, well, as smoothly as anything ever seemed to go for the Office of the Vice President. December 24 was being spent in Selena’s hometown, which had been damaged by flooding earlier in the year. The Vice President would pass out presents to the kids, lead some Christmas carols, then they were done and out of there, with time for Amy to catch a flight to her grandmother’s for a family Christmas. 

That had been the plan, anyway. The first part of it had gone well. Plenty of good photo ops and sound bites. The Vice President couldn’t really carry a tune, but it was Christmas and no one seemed to care. 

Air Force Two had taken off without a problem, despite some earlier worries about a possible storm coming in. 

Amy had several hours to kill until her own flight. The tiny local airport didn’t have a lot to offer, but she’d been fine with the idea of reading a book or getting some work done while she waited. What she was less fine with was Dan Egan sitting down next to her shortly after Air Force Two had taken off, followed soon after by red-faced Jonah. (Amy wasn’t even entirely sure why Jonah was with them in the first place. Supposedly the White House had send him along as a “show of support” but Amy was suspicious that the President had just wanted to annoy the hell out of Selena and probably to get rid of Jonah for a day two as well.) 

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” Amy asked, confusion fighting with annoyance to claim top place in her emotions. What could she have possibly done to deserve this?

“The Vice President told us it would be best if we sought alternative transportation,” Jonah mumbled. 

“What?”

“This fuckwad got us kicked off the plane.” Dan spat. 

“She kicked you off?” Amy laughed. “Seriously? Both of you?”

“It was not my fault!” Jonah insisted. 

“We were about to take off and she snapped and told us if we kept fighting she’d kick us off the plane.” 

“And you kept fighting?” Amy asked, incredulously?

Dan shrugged. “Have you tried not fighting with Mr. Tall, Pale, and Fucking Irritating?”

“Point,” Amy conceded. 

“You two know that I’m sitting right here, right?” Jonah interjected. 

Dan ignored him, “Besides, I didn’t think she’d actually do it. It’s Christmas Eve. We were lucky we were able to get tickets. Thank god for last minute cancelations”

“This is outrageous” Jonah said. “I’m needed at the White House.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jonah,” Dan replied, almost on reflex.

“What flight are you two on anyway?”

Dan just grinned at her.

“Oh, you are fucking kidding me. I’m stuck with you both?”

“Only as far as Chicago,” 

“Thank fuck for small favors.”

There was a prolonged silence. 

“How long until the flight?” Dan asked. 

“Four hours.” 

“Christ.”

“We could play a game,” Jonah offered. 

“Sure,” Amy said with a roll of her eyes. “Let’s play a round of ‘Shut the fuck up, Jonah’. Dan, do you want to go first?”

“Shut the fuck up, Jonah” Dan said, a small smile on his face.   
“Yay, Dan wins. End of the game.”

“Nice,” Jonah muttered, slumping in his chair. 

***********

Two hours later, the trio was crowded around the attendant’s booth. Blizzard in Chicago. Flight cancelled. 

“There’s got to be another flight out,” Amy said, pleading. 

“I’m sorry ma’am. We’re a small airport, and it’s Christmas Eve. Half the flights are cancelled and the ones that aren’t are all full.”

“I work at the White House!” Jonah protested. “It’s vitally important that I get back.”

“Jesus Christ, Jonah. No one gives a fuck that you work at the White House,” Dan said. 

“It’s an impressive place to work. I’ll have you know that I’ve gotten numerous woman that way, Dan. Numerous women. Attractive ones. Like 8s, at least.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you mom’s a very attractive lady, now shut the fuck up so we can try to get on a flight.”

“I’m sorry,” the attendant said again. “There really isn’t anything I can do. If we’re quick, we might be able to get you rooms at the hotel right here at the airport.”

“Please,” Amy said, with a forced smile. “That would be great.”

A few minutes later, the attendant waved them back over with a smile. “Good news,” she said. “I’ve managed to get you two rooms.”

“Two rooms?” Dan asked through gritted teeth. 

**********

A few hours later, Amy was sitting on the bed in her hotel room, wrapped in a bathrobe, telephone to her ear. “I’m sorry, mom. I really am. I’m still trying to get a flight out. I might be able to make in on the 26th, but if it’s any later that that, I have to go back to D.C…..because that’s my job, Mom.....yes…yes…I know…no…no…I am sorry…No, I am…No, Dan’s stuck here too…Yes, that Dan…no…no…He’s not that good looking, Mom…no…no…Because he’s an awful human being…Look, Mom, someone’s at the door. I’ll call and talk to everyone tomorrow, I promise….yeah…yeah…I love you, too.”

Sighing, she tossed the phone on her bed and went to the door. She looked through the peephole and groaned, trying her robe tighter around her before she opened it. 

“What do you want, Dan?”  
“Let me stay with you.”

“What? Fuck no. Have you lost your mind?”

“Seriously,” Dan begged. “I cannot stay in a room with Jonah. It is cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Well, you aren’t staying with me.”

“Why not?” Dan whined.

“Because you’re a piece of scumfuck and I utterly despise you?”

“Yeah, but besides that?”

“Go away, Dan,” Amy started to close the door, but Dan stuck his foot in the way.

“If you don’t let me stay with you, I’ll tell Selena that the fuck up with Senator Sanderson was your fault.”

Amy grimaced. “How did you even know about that,” she hissed. 

“I know everything, Amy.”

She stared at him for a moment. “Mike has a big fucking mouth.”

Dan nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he’s a fucking moron, but in this case it worked in my favor.”

“You’re sleeping on the floor,” Amy said, stepping aside and ushering Dan inside. “God, that was weeks ago, anyway. How long have you been holding on to that one?”

“Until I needed it,” Dan said. “And I’m glad I did, because otherwise I’d be spending Christmas in jail after bludgeoning Jonah to death with a clock radio.”

Despite herself, Amy let out a laugh. “But I had a dead Jonah on my Christmas list.” 

“Well, I mean, eventually the Earth just has to open up and swallow him whole, right?”

“Fingers crossed.”

“Anyway, I already have your Christmas present.” Dan lifted up his bag and dropped it onto the bed. Grinning at her, he unzipped it. 

“What the hell?” Amy asked. 

“This is the entire contents of the minibar from the room that Jonah put on his credit card.”

Amy burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you are such a bastard.”

Dan shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m a bastard you is offering you free alcohol, candy bars and tiny jars of nuts, all with the added bonus of screwing Jonah over. 

“Well, it’s not exactly Grandma’s turkey and all the fixings, but I suppose it will have to do. 

Dan sat on the floor, his back against the bed, arranging his ill-gotten gains in front of him. After a moment’s hesitation, Amy joined him. 

“Well, merry fucking Christmas, I guess.” 

“Are you actually upset about not getting home?” Dan asked, handing her a miniature bottle of whiskey.”

“No, not at all,” Amy said sarcastically. “I can’t think of a place I’d rather be right now that here with you.”

“Well, yeah, being stuck here obviously sucks ass. But, I’m wondering if you really wanted to go spend time with your family.”

“Oh my god. A genuine personal inquiry from Dan Egan? It’s a Christmas miracle.”

Dan shook his head. “Fine, fine. Forget it.”

Amy took swig from her bottle, stared for a moment, then finished it. 

“I don’t know,” she started. “I mean, maybe for a few hours. It’s good to see everyone, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled as the prospect of two days of everyone asking me when I’m going to find a good young man to settle down with. My mom still asks about you by the way.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. And there’s nothing quite like Grandma telling you that maybe you shouldn’t have that second piece of pie since you’re still single”

Dan frowned. “Wow, I mean, I’m me, and even I think that’s fucked.”

Dan opened two more bottles, handing one to Amy and throwing back the other. “My mom is always asking if I have a girlfriend. Dad just asks when I’m going to get a real job.”

“Nice.”

“Right? When I told him about the Veep’s job offer he said ‘Well, I guess that will do for right now, but you’re really going to have to buckle down and sort yourself out eventually.’”

“Jesus Christ,” was all Amy had to offer. 

******

A few drinks later they were trading family holiday horror stories. 

A few drinks after that Amy was telling Dan about the early days of Selena’s campaign, in exchange for tales about working for Senator Hallows. 

And a few drinks after that, well…

*********

Amy sat bolt upright in bed, then slumped back with a moan as the hangover hit her. She was disoriented for a moment and she rubbed her eyes in confusion. She froze as she felt a body stirring under the blankets next to her. 

“Oh, fuck me,” she muttered under her breath. She couldn’t have. Even drunk, she couldn’t have been that stupid. 

“Already did that last night,” came the groggy reply from Dan. “But if you want…”

Merry fucking Christmas.


End file.
